


In the spaces we fall

by babababiii



Category: Babii, offgun
Genre: ATP - Freeform, F/M, Gen, M/M, OFF - Freeform, atthaphan, gun - Freeform, off jumpol - Freeform, offgun - Freeform, ออฟกัน - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-24
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-15 09:27:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29681853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/babababiii/pseuds/babababiii
Summary: Off and Gun are couple of high school kids, battling what it means to be themselves while juggling friendships, sexuality, family and whole lot in between.
Relationships: New Thitipoom Techaapaikhun/Tay Tawan Vihokratana, Off Jumpol Adulkittiporn/Gun Atthaphan Phunsawat
Comments: 4
Kudos: 22





	1. Just like family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Like brothers or like a married couple? Either way, it’s just like family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be a lot of Filipino cultural references for this chapter. I made a handy dandy footnote for those who’d like to read up on it.

** March 25, 2005 **

With school year almost ending, everyone is taking it easy. Including Gun and Off as they sit on the steps of the fire exit. There is barely room for two but they sit side by side. Gun leans back and looks at the brazen March sky, flinching his eyes, as he lifts his hands to rub his eyes. He shifts his gaze to Off who’s too busy fumbling through his phone. With their proximity, Gun could even see the tiny hairs on Off’s face when the light hits it just right.

Gun didn’t mind as his friend kept busy browsing through his phone. He likes this. He likes watching from the side, his eyes tracing every detail of Off’s features: small eyes, a tall nose, sweet lips. He likes it when Off’s lips curl upwards when wins a game, or when Off burrows his brows when he reads something upsetting or confusing. He has been watching him intently, as if it’s his first time seeing him. He burns the image to memory to recall it at night in the hopes that he could dream of Off.

He was so intent in watching Off that he didn’t notice someone running towards them. “Off, Gun, we should get going.” Tay breaks the silence. “Next period is about to start.” Tay motions for them to get up as he turns his back from the two.

“Let’s go Gun.” Off reaches out to grab Gun by the wrist as he stands, towering over Gun. The latter is stunned and he shifts his gaze from their hands to the floor. “Gun, come on stand up.”

“Alright, alright. How can I stand so fast when I lost sensation on my legs?” Gun responds defensively as he feels his cheeks burn, “Why did we have to sit beside each other?”  


“Whatever. We’re attached at the hips. We’re bestfriends. We’re like brothers,” Off chuckles. Gun feels like he’s been stabbed.  Brothers, eh. He abruptly takes his hands from Off’s grip. This shocks Off slightly but was caught off guard when he sees Gun walking ahead of him.

“Hey, Gun! No fair! Just because you’re a tiny badger, you’d cheat!” Off scoffs as he races past Gun because whoever arrives last will pay for  _merienda_ .

Gun slows down and halts watching Off’s back getting smaller and smaller in his line of sight.  _Brothers_ . Off’s words left a bitter aftertaste in Gun’s mouth as he whispers to himself. He sighs and regains composure as he runs after the tall guy. “Off Jumpol! You’re blessed with longer legs, you should at least give me a head start.”

Gun is used to this. He’d rather be seen as a brother, a best friend. It’s better than nothing, he comforts himself.

——————

“Ahh, finally summer!” Arm exclaims as he stretches his hands upwards as they walk towards their favorite _meriendahan_. Arm and Tay were walking in front, while Gun was walking Off, the latter still busy with his phone.

They were four in the group with Gun being the smallest. It wasn’t always like this. Just the summer before they almost had the same height. Everything changed after they all got circumcised. He remembers getting in line with his three friends the summer before they entered high school.

—————

_Flashback_

**May 2004**

“Shit! I don’t think I can do this. I’ll go home. Tay whined.

“Come on, Tay. We’re entering high school. Would you like to be called supot? Who’s gonna want to go out with you?” Off teased an obviously distressed Tay.

Arm and Gun on the other hand watched the scary ritual of circumcision. They flinched as _manong_ lowers a makeshift bladed tool until they hear it slight thud from the stump the poor boy is sitting on. The boy wailed almost instantly. Arm and Gun looked at each other, fear present in both their eyes. 

“But we could get it next summer, right Off?” Arm pleaded.

“Yeah, let’s just go home, Off. I have the latest copy of _Pugad Baboy,_ ” said Gun in the hopes Off would take the bait.

“I’m staying and I’m getting this done. If you intend to be _supot_ for the rest of your lives, that’s on you.” Off wad visibly frustrated, clutching the _saya_ in his hands. Gun knows Off is scared as well but he’s trying to hide it. 

Gun sighs, “Okay let’s just get this over with” as he rests his hand on Off’s shoulder. “Fine, I’ll stay too,” Arm says in defeat. They all look at Tay waiting for him to commit. “Ok fine, me too,” Tay says as he gulps and motions the sign of the cross.

_End of Flashback_

—————

“Gun, you owe me. I want Chilimansi with egg,” Off says as he heads to their usual seat. Gun didn’t even notice they got here. 

“You lost again, huh?” Arm asks as he pats Gun’s head in. Gun nods as he places his order. “Ate, 2 chilimansi with 2 eggs.” He pays the exact amount and leaves for their table.

Gun sits beside Off and notices the latter is more engrossed with his phone than usual. He decides to shrug it off and just proceeds on watching Off as he usually does. Tay sits across them making curious face.

“What’s with you and your phone, Off?,” Tay teases, wiggling his eyebrows at Off. “Have you got a girlfriend?”

“What girlfriend? Jum, you’ve got a girl?,” Arm chimes in with excitement as he joins the group. 

Gun stares at Off in anticipation.  Please say no, please . Off just scoffs, “I’m talking to my cousin Newwie. I might spend a month in Manila for summer.” Gun smiles in relief until he realizes that Off will be gone for a month. 

“What?! When are you going?” Gun looking intently at Off with brows furrowed. “I don’t know, mid-April?,” Off shrugs, “anyway, what are our summer plans? I think I’ve got 2 weeks here before I go to Manila. When I return here in Laguna, Newwie will come with me so you guys better be free to tour him around.”

“Isn’t Newwie the pale kid? Tita Anette’s son?” Tay asks.   
  


“Yup Tita Anette’s son. He’ll be continuing high school here. Ate Fern is entering college and will be getting a dorm near school so he’ll be alone. Mom suggested we take him in until we finish high school.”

They all just nodded along. They keep silent as they recall the night they last saw Newwie. Tita Anette and Tito Lucio was found dead after the brakes in their car gave in. They were only five, and even when they didn’t understand, they cried as Newwie bawled. “Maaaaaa, Paaaaaaa.” Ate Fern was hugging Newwie while tears stream down her face. They were taken to Manila to live with their father’s relatives.

“Food’s here!” Tay breaks the silence. Ate puts down the food in paper plates while reciting their orders. “Hot and spicy with egg.” Arm reaches for the plate. “Original with egg,” Tay beams as ate sets the plate in front of him. “2 chilimansi with 2 eggs.” Gun was taken aback, their order was just in one plate. “Ate, could I ask for another paper plate?,” he asks. Off interrupts, “No need ate, just give us an extra fork.” Off looks at Gun before sternly, “Haven’t you watched the news? Global warming! Too much waste in the landfills! You should be conscious, Gun.”

None of this stuck to Gun as he thinks about sharing a plate with Off. He only ever saw that with his Papa and Mama when they eat together. Admittedly, it feels icky when they do it but the idea of sharing a plate with Off like a married couple makes Gun blush.  Like a married couple . He can feel his cheeks redden. He eats a big forkful of pancit canton in a hurry.

“Whoa slow down, leave some for me.” Off whines.

“Why are you so red, Gun? Is it that spicy?” Arm asks.

Gun just nods. “You can have some of mine,” Tay offer but Gun declines and shakes his head. He’s left speechless when he gets this feeling with Off.  Kilig .

“So, summer plans anyone?” Off reopens that conversation.

“Ah, Mike is asking if we’d like to go swimming at the falls next weekend,” Arm says. “... and he’s asking for us to sleepover at his place.”

“But the falls is just a bike ride away, why do we have to sleepover?” Tay questions, tilting his head to the side.

Arm huddles them closer as he whispers, “His parents won’t be home so he’d be sneaking in alcohol and his dad has a collection of _bomba_ films.” 

“I’m game!,” Off almost shouts. “Me too!” Tay seconds. They all look at Gun. “Fine. Me, too.” Gun answers reluctantly. _Bomba_ films aren’t his thing but being with his friends, he didn’t mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Filipino Vocab used in this chapter  
> Merienda - afternoon snack  
> Supot - uncircumcised lad  
> Tuli - circumcision  
> Saya - a long skirt (in this context used after circumcision to avoid abrasion)  
> Manong - an older male (read: uncle but no blood relation)  
> Pugad Baboy - a famous comic book franchise in the Philippines during the late 90’s / early 2000’s
> 
> Bomba is a genre of Philippine cinema popularized during the 70’s. It’s basically (soft) porn with a story.
> 
> Circumcision is a big deal in the Philippines. It’s a right of passage for most adolescent boys to get them circumcised. Supot/uncircumcised lads often get flack from friends.


	2. First of Summer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Booze, bomba films and boys.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: mild smut
> 
> Listen to Urbandub’s First of Summer

** April 1, 2005 **

It is hot summer night as the boys walked from the falls, towel on their shoulders. They are heading to their bikes when Mike shouted, “Are you guys ready for tonight?”. The other boys shouted in excitement... except Gun.  They head towards Mike’s place, stopping by Aling Nena’s to buy some isaw, barbeque, some packets of Tang, and chichirya. No one knows how but Gunsmile and Foie were able to secure 3 bottles of booze. 

They are 9 in the group: Mike is part of the dance troupe with Arm, who was always friendly and cheerful and also a bit of loudmouth. Mike’s friends from Section A were also there — Oab from their soccer team and Toptap a consistent top student — both of which are reserved and aloof, a contrast to Mike’s personality. Gunsmile and Foie are the most mischievous kids in their year from Section C, Arm’s section. It was Arm’s idea to invite them knowing they had the balls to actually acquire booze. 

Arm has always been Mr Congeniality, able to make friends anywhere. It really didn’t faze him when he learnt that he’d be in a different section from his friends on their first year of high school. Despite his charisma, however, he can’t deny the natural charms that Off has. Off is friendly and funny, making it easy for him to befriend anyone while keeping an air of mystery. Tay, on the other hand, is also funny to be with. Although, it’s mostly of his clumsiness and naïveté, which makes Tay a very endearing person. Then there’s Gun, an adorable ball of spunk. Gun may look reserved (and he usually is) but he’s not one to back down, despite being a bit of a cry baby. Everyone has a penchant of doting over Gun because of his height and his aura.

The sun is setting when they arrive. They place their loot on the dining table. Oab is eyeing the bottles of booze, “Whoa can we even finish this?” Gunsmile grins he picks up a bottle and kisses it, “Of course, brotha.” Gun and Toptap are fixing up the food in plates. Foie went behind them and asked, “Need help?”

“We’re good,” Toptap says as he places the vinegar in a small bowl.

“I don’t know how to mix drinks, Foie. Can you help with that?” Gun asks. 

“Of course brotha.” Foie replies with a smug smile on his face. He gets a pitcher of water and an empty pitcher and heads towards the corner of the table where the booze is. Foie dissolves grape juice powder with water. He wiggles his brows at Gunsmile. As if on cue, Gunsmile opens the first bottle of booze and empties it into the pitcher. Oab is watching them intently and hesitates, “hey.. isn’t that too strong?” All he got in response is a matching smug face from the duo.

Off, Tay, Arm and Mike emerge from the living room chuckling. “Whachu idiots laughing about?” Gunsmile shouts. “I bet it’s the main event,” Foie looks at the four. “Just you wait,” Mike teases.

“So come on, let’s drink!” Off calls out and the boys sat down on their seats.

——————

_ Parked car _

_ This night sky _

_ Makes city lights shine like diamonds _

_ Our song plays on the radio _

> _(First of Summer by Urbandub)_

They were done with their first pitcher, their cheeks flushed, everyone’s movement is a bit loose as they sing along the track. Gunsmile is done mixing the 2nd pitcher filling their glasses once again. 

“Shit, this tastes like normal juice but if fucks you up... rrrright up,” Tay slurs his eyes droopy as he leans onto Arm. The latter meanwhile welcomes the drink by downing a quarter of the way through. It was a revelation to Arm that he isn’t a lightweight at drinking. So is Off who is sitting on the other side of the table with Gun. 

“Come on Gun, drink.” He clinks the bottom of his glass with Gun’s glass. “I’m taking it slow, I’m a bit dizzy.” The taller guy brings his hand to top of tiny guy’s head. Gun can feel his head burn all the way to his nape with Off’s touch. He isn’t sure if it was just the alcohol but he was fixated on Off’s lip, a little redder from the drinks. Until Off, grips on Gun’s head and starts shaking it. “Dizzy, eh, tiny badger?” Gun squirms as he detaches Off’s hand. “I’m gonna puke on you, fucker!” Gun screams.

“If Gun pukes, you’d clean it Off,” Mike says as he grabs a stick of barbeque from an almost empty plate. “You wish, I’ll tell on you to Ms Godji first,” Off retorts as he drinks from his glass.

“What’s with Ms Godji?” Toptap asks when he sees Mike blushing. “Well, Mike’s been masturbating to Ms Godji. He even has her photo saved on his phone,” Foie drops the bomb.“I didn’t know teachers were your kink !” Gunsmile teases. 

“As if you guys don’t masturbate to Mild,” Mike says looking Off and Foie. “So you masturbate to her too?” Foie asks Off. “Well, who doesn’t?” Off says in response, as he brings his hand to Foie for a high five. Gun is just looking at his glass, too beat to join the conversation. If anything, all he wants is for this conversation to stop.

“I heard Mild has crush on you, though, Off,” Arm says matter-of-factly. He is part of the dance troop with Mild and he’s always been a gentleman which is why girls like to hang out with him to spill tea. Gun sinks into his chair knowing Arm is credible with this type of gossip.

“No shit?! You lucky bastard Jumpol!” Foie shouts. This wakes up Tay and Oab who’s been dozing off. “... why’s Off lucky?,” Tay asks as he grabs the first glass he sees. “Hey weakshit, that’s mine,” Oab cusses. Everyone was a bit startled when Oab curses but they laugh it off. Arm was caught in the middle. “Hey lightweights. Stop fighting, this glass is mine,” Arm fishes the glass away from Tay.

“Speaking of... shall we continue with the main event before these two completely gets hammered?,” Mike asks. Everyone looks at Mike intently. “Let’s fucking go go!” Gunsmile exclaims as he stands up, bringing the pitcher and a glass with him. The other boys follow suit, except for Toptap and Gun. 

When Off notices Gun still sitting, he nudges the latter’s sleeves. “Come on, Gun. Can you still stand up? Are you okay?”

“I’m okay. You go ahead. I really don’t wanna watch  that .”

“Come on don’t be shy, Gun. We’ve prepared it for everyone. Please?” Off making his puppy dog eyes at Gun.  _ Fuck it . _

“Alright fine... come with us Toptap, let’s go,” Gun says as he stands up from his chair.

“It’s okay. I’m not okay with watching  that ...” Toptap says shyly.

Even before Off could open his mouth to convince Toptap to come, Gun almost whispers, “I know, I’m uncomfy too... let’s just go since we’re here.” 

Toptap looks at Gun with almost an understanding and stands as he follows the two into the living room.

——————

The living room is dark except from the light of the TV. On the sofa is Gunsmile, Foie, and Arm, passing the glass among themselves as they continue to drink. Oab and Tay are on the floor, barely able to keep themselves upright. Mike is fumbling with the dvd player. Off sits beside Tay, nudging Gun by his trouser to sit beside him. Gun obliges. Toptap on the other hand sit beside Oab. 

Mike turns around to face the group as the movie started to play. “Tissues to your right, horndogs!” He hastily takes his place beside Toptap on the floor.

It took a good 20 minutes in when the film started showing sexually suggestive scenes. This isn’t porn so they don’t go into the sex scene immediately, they’d play out a story first. 

“Stop moving Gunsmile,” Tay hisses as he felt vibrations at his back. “Fuck you, dude, I’m getting horny,” Gunsmile cussed while fidgeting his left leg as he slowly touches the clothed bulge in his shorts.

Meanwhile, the other Gun is just watching. The film focused more on the woman and by now, Gun knows that this doesn’t arouse him.  If only they show more of the guy, maybe I’d get a reaction , he thought. 

It’s a little later when Gun notices Off already has a hard-on. Gun gulps at the sight of Off’s member under his clothes. He feels his ears burn, balls of sweat forming on his nape and forehead, his hands a bit clammy. He shifts his gaze to Off’s face. The tall guy is watching intently while biting his lips.  _ Biting his lips _ . Gun feels his dick harden, too. He is watching Off so intently, so when latter slowly inches his hands to his shorts, Gun goes on overdrive and quickly stands up. 

He can’t take it anymore. He feels weak in the knees and he knew he needs to get his load off. In his mind is the image of Off dimly lit by the TV set, biting his lips about to touch his hard dick.That’s all it took for Gun to lose his senses. He clumsily makes his way to the toilet.

What he didn’t notice was Off followed him as well a bit after. Off is worried that Gun might have been too uncomfortable, remembering their conversation with Toptap. 

_ “I know, I’m uncomfy too... let’s just go since we’re here.”  _

Off feels guilty putting his friend in an uncomfortable situation.  I shouldn’t have forced him to watch. His thoughts are clouded with guilt so he didn’t even bother knocking on the door.

“What the fuck?” Off is shocked at the sight of Gun jerking off. 

“Off!” Gun is mortified. Off is staring at Gun whose shorts were at his feet, one hand was holding his shirt up exposing a tiny waist, the other hand still holding onto his dick. He looked  _ cute _ , Off thinks to himself, looking at Gun’s face who is obviously shy with his cheeks red biting his lips.

“Come on, it’s just me. You didn’t have to leave. Gunsmile’s been jerking off since the movie started”

“Off...” Gun’s feels his knees buckle a bit. Despite the humiliation, he doesn’t feel his cock softening. Contrary, he feels his body tingle with Off’s gaze.  _ He’s watching me. _ He’s never felt like this before.

“Come on, continue. I’ll join you.”

Gun is stunned at Off’s remark. He felt hot all over. He watched as Off lowered his boxers exposing his dick and started stroking it. Gun can’t help himself and started jerking off again, he gulps as images filled his head. They are jerking off together, unaware that they’re in sync even in their strokes. Gun imagines touching Off’s dick and pleasuring him. “Oh shii-it hnng,” Gun moans. 

Off looks at Gun with a half grin, he looks at his tiny friend’s lips spilling lewd moans. He was near. “Oh fuck,” Off curses thinking about the moans from shorter boy’s lips. Gun is now looking a him as his eyelids flutter from pleasure. They are looking into each other’s eyes. “Hnnghh hnnggg” they both grunt in unison as they came. 

They are out of breath, Off leaned on the cold wall of the bathroom as he cleaned himself with a tissue. “You know — you didn’t have — to go. — We’re all boys here,” Off says barely catching his breath. Off looks at Gun as the former flushed the toilet. Gun is cowering as he tried to tidy himself. 

They both head to the sink to wash their hands. Off, feeling a bit guilty, looks at Gun through the mirror, “Hey Gun... you don’t have to be shy... to me.”

Gun lifts his gaze and faced Off, “Especially to you.” Off is a bit stunned. Gun shakes of the water in his hands and leaves in a haste.

“Especially to me? What does he mean?” Off talks to himself as he washes his hand. He felt bothered. “I thought we were close.”


	3. It's only straight until it bends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Off doubts himself and his actions and Gun finds a confindant.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter tackles some sensitive topics like consent, sexuality and gender identity.  
> I don't claim to be an expert in these matters and I'm only pulling from research and personal experiences. I am very open to be educated *u*

Off enters the living room and sees Gun isn’t there. He is a bit shaken, he feels betrayed at the thought of Gun not being comfortable with him. At the same time, he feels guilty like it was his fault for making Gun watch the movie, for invading his privacy when he was jacking off. He feels his chest sinking and his stomach seemingly in a knot. I didn’t even knock. Off’s thoughts are muddled, he sits at the same spot on the floor and just stares at the TV not really taking in the scenes. 

“That was damn good watch. Thanks Pops for your Bomba collection,” Mike exclaims. Off snaps out of his thoughts. He didn’t even notice the movie ending. Tay and Oab are still sprawled out on the floor, saliva pooling at the end of their mouths. Arm, Foie and Gunsmile are trying to get up from the sofa. “Weakshits move!” Gunsmile shouts. “Hey keep it down, the neighbors might hear,” Arm saya being the considerate one as always. “Come on,  _ Mild _ and  _ Godji _ , we have another bottle to go,” Foie teasingly invites the two to join them back in the dining room for another round of drinking. Mike makes a face at Foie while Off just looks disinterested.

“Hey, Mike. Have you seen Gun?” Off breaks the silence.

“Hmm, I thought you went after him? I was meaning to ask you if you’ve seen Toptap, too. I was so into it I didn’t even notice he left.”

“...hmm, that. Shit.”

“What shit?”

“..I think I might have forced them to watch when they told me they weren’t comfortable...”

“What?”

“It might be my fault that they left in the middle of the movie.”

“Hmmmm. Shit... but I don’t think it’s your fault.”

“I might have ruined their night.”

“Hmmm, let’s just look for them. I don’t think you ruined anyone’s night. They left because they didn’t like watching, it’s as simple as that.”

_ As simple as that huh?, _ Off thinks. He hears Gun’s words over and over saying as if in disdain,

_ “Especially to you.” _

———————

Gun couldn’t wrap his head with what just happened. He is used to pining over Off, he has been for awhile now. It used to be just imagining his smile, his laugh, his hands. Lately he’s been thinking about Off at night before he goes to sleep waking up with cum in his underwear.

And now, he can’t even grasp the idea of what just happened. He can’t calm the riot that was his chest. He doesn’t want to go back to the living room and pretend he was okay. So he went out into the garden.

He sees Toptap lying on the grass. He makes his way to him quietly and lays beside him about an arm’s throw away. He breaks the silence since he didn’t want to hear his thoughts anymore. “Hey, has the movie ended?”

Toptap opens his eyes and sees Gun looking at the sky. “Not yet. I just came here for some fresh air.”

“Yeah... me too.”

“Hmm... So when did you know, Gun?”

Gun is flustered. He knows what Toptap meant but he hasn’t told anyone yet. Not even his friends, not even Off. Especially not Off. He feels his chest sinking in.

“I don’t know, I just woke up and I just knew.”

“Hmm, me too. I’m glad my Tito, I mean Tita, was there. She caught me looking at her magazines, drooling at hot men.”

Gun chuckles. Amazingly he feels lighter, he never told anyone because to be honest, he hasn’t fully grasped what is it he was supposed to say. He is who he is and as far as he knows, he has always been like this. He had crushes like normal teenagers, it’s just that that he was a boy who also liked boys. 

Toptap continues, “Tita Jen at first... she couldn’t believe. She thought it was her influence... that I started liking boys too. She was afraid I’d start dressing up like a girl and that my father would beat me for it... it wasn’t her fault... I just liked boys too.”

“... so have you ever tried dressing up like a girl?” Gun is curious, he never talked like this to someone before.

“Hmm, I tried putting on my sister’s headband and my mom’s lipstick... I thought all along that if you were a boy who likes boys... that means you secretly wanted to be a girl... but when I saw myself in the mirror. I felt like someone that isn’t me. And besides the lipstick tasted awful.”

Gun giggles, “Yeah, I tried that too... I don’t want to be girl. But I want to be cute, though. I like cute things, girly things. But I still want to be a boy.”

“I get you!” Toptap props himself up with his elbows and looked at Gun. “Like I want plushies, but they were too girly. What does being a girl or a boy have to do with it? Tita explained to me that sexuality is different from gender identity.”

“Hmm, what’s that? Aren’t gays just gays?”

“Yeah, gays are gays. But liking boys is their sexuality.”

“So what’s this gender i..i-?”

“Gender identity.”

“Yeah, what’s that?”

“Well it’s basically how you see yourself. Do you identify yourself as a boy or as a girl? Do you see yourself somewhere in between that? Or something like that.” Toptap speaks with a confidence that Gun never saw before. The former is so eloquent that Gun can’t help but feel a bit shy and intimidated.

“Hmm.” Gun never knew this things, he feels happy talking to Toptap. He didn’t know the latter knew so much more that he let on. He feels reassured a bit, like he isn’t so alone for being a boy who also likes boys.

“So does your family know?” Gun asks reluctantly.

“Just Tita Jen,” Toptap answers, sadness present in his voice. “I don’t think I have it in me yet to tell Pa. My friends don’t even know yet...” Toptap paused for a moment before asking Gun, “And you? Does anyone know?”

Gun stares intently at does stars, “Hmm, not yet. Just you for now.”

“Must have been heavy.”

“Yeah... thank you Toptap. Just talking about it makes feel less like a freak.”

“It’s okay. Coming out is a process, not an event. Take it slowly.”

“Hmmm,” Gun mutters deep in his thoughts.

“Hmm... so do you like anyone?”

Gun blushes. He doesn’t know how to tell Toptap. “Uhm...”

“Is it Off?”

Gun props himself to sit down and look in disbelief at Toptap. Was he too obvious? Was he so transparent? 

“Gun, don’t worry. You aren’t that obvious, not to them anyway. It’s just that my gaydar is strong and you know female intuition,” Toptap chuckles, “You know gay things.” Gun didn’t quite understand. He feels like his been left out on a big inside joke.

“No fair... I feel so stupid?” Gun doubtfully says while laughing, “You should at least tell me who your crush is.”

“Hmmm, it’s Mike.”

“Oh shit. Figures, you looked pretty beat when they were talking about Ms Godji.”

“Yup, it didn’t help that Mike was looking her photo while watching the movie. Fucking pervert.”

“A pervert you like, apparently.” They both laugh. It might have been the drinks but they were pretty talkative for a couple of boys who kept to themselves.

“Why did we have to like boys who are into girls? It’s no fair,” Gun jokes, a bit of truth of hidden in his voice.

“Well, as my Tita Jen always says, it’s only straight until it bends,” Toptap raises his eyebrow at Gun, “but kidding aside, I think we’re too young to finalize what we really like. For all we know you’re bi, I’m bi, he’s bi. Heck, everyone might be bi!”

“Big boobs don’t turn me on. At all.”

“You must like it flat then.”

They are laughing at the nonsense of it all. Gun’s sexuality has always been a heavy matter for him. Before this night, he didn’t know if this was normal. He didn’t even know who to tell or who to ask. He felt like it was something he’d keep to himself forever. Talking to Toptap made it lighter for him, almost bearable.

They are joking around when they hear Mike calling out for their names. “Top, Gun, there you are! If you aren’t gonna drink anymore, let’s go upstairs and call it a night.”

Mike silently whispers to Off who’s at his back, “See? I don’t think their night is ruined. They just didn’t feel like it so they left.” Mike has a point, Off thought, but he couldn’t help but feel his chest tighten a bit more.

It isn’t new to him to see Gun laughing with others. It’s just that the disparity of how Gun acted aloof and almost distant with him earlier and how he’s acting now with Toptap makes him feel... jealous. He had been always confident in his friendship with Gun but now he’s doubting, was it all in his head? Weren’t they really close? He could hear Gun’s words again and again as if taunting.  _ “Especially not you.” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really like the conversations in this chapter. Let me know if you appreciate it <3  
> Let's be moots in stan twit: [twitter.com/babababiii ](twitter.com/babababiii)  
> HMU: <https://curiouscat.me/MieuBabababiii>


	4. It must be a crush

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Like, you can remember their smile in full detail and it keeps playing on and on in your head.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy this one 💗
> 
> I have other Au's in twitter <3: @babababiii

**April 6, 2005**

Off is lying on their sofa with his arms crossed cushioning his head — an abandoned comic book left on his chest. It’s a hot Wednesday afternoon and it’s been 5 days since their trip to the falls. He recalls the night when they found Gun and Toptap joking around. He grunts and closes his eyes in _embarrassment_.

—————-

_Flashback_

**April 1, 2005**

“Gun...” Off pulled the small guy to his side as they made their way upstairs, letting Mike and Toptap walk ahead of them. “Gun, are you mad at me?”

“What?,” Gun’s cheeks were red. Off took it as a sign that the shorter boy was furious at him.

“See, you’re red with anger…,” Off trailed shyly, “I’m really sorry… I forced you to watch, and I didn’t even knock when I caught yo—“

“STOP!,” Gun interrupted Off, halting their track just in time as they arrived in front of Mike's room. “It’s _nothing_ really, I am not mad at you. I am _far_ from being mad at you.”

“But you said… especially not me… I thought I might have done something _so_ bad, I mean, I just… thought we were close and all,” the tall lad stutters with his chin pointed to his chest, eyes barely able to look at the small guy in front of him.

“We’re good, Off, alright?” Gun lets out a faint giggle at the sight of Off being unsure of himself. The tall guy has always been confident. _This_ Off was far from that.

“And now you’re mocking me,” Off furrows his brows at Gun.

“Well, I’ve never seen you so flustered and worried is why.” Gun looked directly into Off’s eyes and said, “Just knock next time, ok?,” keeping eye contact as he smiled coyly before he went into the room leaving the tall boy in the hallway.

Off stood there for a minute. He heard his heart beating a little louder, amplified by the silence.

“I guess we’re okay then.” Off whispered to himself as he felt his ears turn red with the image of Gun’s smug smile lingering in his head.

_End of flashback_

———————

What bothers Off right now is not the fact that Gun _is_ or _was_ mad at him for what happened that night. He’s been reassured by the small guy that there was no bad blood between them. The small boy’s smile that night was proof enough for that. _That’s it_ , he thinks, _it’s his smile._

Gun’s smile has left him unsettled for the past 5 days. The way the little boy smiles -- his lips almost closed and stretched from side to side, dimples indented on both cheeks, his eyes gleaming even in the ill-lit hallway. It doesn’t really help that he can recall that smile with so much precision.

Off takes the comic book from his chest and hits it slightly on his forehead as if to erase his painfully detailed memory of that night. He lets out a deep sigh when he hears their telephone ring. He gets up to answer.

“Hello,” Off says after placing the receiver against his ear.

“Hello, Off!” He knows who it is immediately.

“Wassup, Arm?”

“When are you leaving for Manila?”

“Next, next weekend, I think.” 

“That’s great. The guys wanted to shoot some hoops this weekend. Are you free?”

“I guess, I am,” Off answers nonchalantly, “but it’s better if you look for a sub. I don’t know if my mom would suddenly change the schedule.”

“Alright, I’ll try looking for someone. Let me know by Friday, though.”

“Sure. How’s your break so far?”

“Boring, as usual.”

“Same.” They both chuckle a bit.

“Hmm, that’s it Off. Make sure to call on Friday. Nevermind, I’ll call you instead.”

Off is silent on the other line.

“Hey Off? Did you hear me.”

“Yup… uhm…” Off is hesistant to ask Arm.

“What’s up?”

“Uhm… what does it mean when you feel bothered by someone’s smile?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well… when that someone smiles at you, and sometimes you feel bothered by it.”

“Like how? Do you feel annoyed by it?”

“Not really. Not annoyed.”

“Hmm. Bothered how? Is there a good kind of bother?”

“Like, you can remember their smile in full detail and it keeps playing on and on in your head.”

Arm lets out a short chuckle, “It must be a crush.”

“What?!” Off’s voice is slightly raised from embarrassment. He can feel his cheeks burn.

“Yeah, dumbass. So who’s your crush?”

“How sure are you that it’s a crush? When do you know?”

“Hmm… I’m not sure really, can you recall the first time you felt bothered like that for that person?”

Yes he can recall, in full detail. It was the summer of last year.

“Hmm…”

“So spill, who’s your crush then?”

“It’s _nothing_. Don’t mind it.”

“Pfft. You’re always so secretive, you tell Gun first, then Tay and I would find out on our own.”

Off feels his whole face turning red with the mention of Gun’s name.

“Shut up,” Off retorts, glad that Arm couldn’t see his face at this moment.

“Whatever. I’ll call you on Friday, okay? Don’t jerk off too much thinking of your crush. Bye.”

“Bye,” Off feels defeated. He places the receiver down. He whines at the mention of masturbation and thinking about what happened with Gun a few nights ago.

Off lets out a sigh. His chest has been heavy and his stomach is always in a knot these days. He recalls Arm’s question, the first time he felt bothered by that person. _It wasn’t just 5 days ago_ , he thinks, as his mind wanders to May of last year.


	5. Summer when the rain first fell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bad weather and cancelled plans. Will it be just the rain falling this time?

**May 2004**

  
  


It was a terrible summer afternoon. The four boys made plans today to go to the falls nearby to soak up some sun and in some water but the weather had other plans. It was just 2 weeks ago when they had circumcision, all they did was _do nothing_ since then because it took awhile for it to be comfortable enough to move around without wincing in pain.

Despite the barely survivable heat the past days, the weather, being mostly the unpredictable thing that it is, decided to rain on their parade quite literally. The boys had no choice but to take a rain check. Off and Gun just stared at the ceiling of Off’s living room after they got Arm’s call to postpone, bummed at the fact that summer is almost ending and did nothing with their friends.

Tay and Arm had since moved away from their neighborhood. Arm left 3 years ago since his parents had to be nearer the town’s city proper for their business. On the other hand, Tay’s family decided last year that it was best to have a home of their own, away from their relatives, even if it means they’d be staying in a small single room apartment.

Which leaves the two boys in their neighborhood, something Off didn’t mind despite being sad seeing his other friends move away. He knew that they’d still see each other at school. Besides, he felt at ease knowing Gun is still around the corner, literally.

“Uuuuugh, it’s not even the rainy season yet,” Off grunted, planting his face into his palms.

“I know, right? I even bought us a lot of snacks.”

“This is so freaking boring… let’s just watch TV.”

“Yeah,” Gun answers as he opens a bag of chips.

It was a _long_ 30 minutes of Off channel-surfing and grunting. “Goddamit, I just wanted to jump in to the falls and take a long dip and and just have fun!,” Off finally articulating his litany of groans.

Gun was just pouting at him feeling the same sentiment.

“I just wanted to get into the water, but the skies had to send rain instead,” Off complained and Gun knew this wouldn’t end any time soon, if they didn’t do something about it.

“Why don’t we just go play in the rain then?,” Gun suggested, looking at the heavy downpour outside.

“What?!,” Off startled at Gun’s sudden suggestion.

“I mean, you wouldn’t stop whining and we have nothing better to do anyway.”

Before Off had the chance to retort, the other boy just took the former by the wrist to pull him out of the house. They were now standing on the wet asphalt outside, in the streets. 

“Well, we’re wet now.”

“Yup,” Gun answered, now facing the sky with his eyes closed, smiling and drenched in the rain. Off stared for a second before muttering, “So what do we—.”

Before he could even finish, Gun started jumping in a pool of water, splattering some on Off’s face.

“Stop moping already! You look like a sad wet puppy.”

“You!,” Off fought back, jumping into another puddle.

Off found a hose somewhere, and started bombarding Gun with water as if it wasn’t raining hard enough. Gun didn’t want to lose so they had to battle on who’s going to get to pounce and attack. They were enjoying themselves in the rain so much, they couldn’t even remember being pissed at it just an hour before.

Off was the first one to admit defeat, feeling his body get tired from all the tomfoolery. He squatted, not letting his bottom touch the floor, leaning on their house’s gate. He didn’t know where Gun was pulling his energy from, but the latter is still up at it, jumping into puddles.

“ _Sinong di mapapasayaw ng ulaaaaaaan, sinong di mababaliw sa ulaaaaan,_ ” Gun sang at top of his lungs, showing his grin at the skies, as if in gratitude.

> Song: Ulan by Rivermaya
> 
> Translation: Who wouldn’t feel the urge to dance in the rain? Who wouldn’t lose their minds in the rain?

Off was just watching his friend who’s enjoying himself, not even letting the weather dampen his spirits. Gun turned his face to Off and smiled. A warm, _sunny_ smile, almost in laughter, with his nose scrunched and his eyes barely visible.

Off felt all his focus shift towards his friend’s smile, not noticing rain soaking him, nor the uproar of thunder overhead. _‘How could someone’s smile turn even the bad weather into something so good?,’_ he thought to himself not noticing the smile creeping on his own face.

“What are you sitting there for? You lost, puppy? Come on,” Gun teased.

Off stood up without much ado to join his friend’s invitation, not letting the downpour or his heartbeat as loud as the thunder stop him from soaking in this moment — knowing this summer memory is something he’d keep with him forever.


End file.
